On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
