I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
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