I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
