It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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