I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
