just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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