You really coming over, don't trick.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
