apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
