mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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