I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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