Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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