So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
