Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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