That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
