Sorry, I don't speak sober.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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