The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
