drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the room spins SO much faster in panama
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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