That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
