I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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