Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize