no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
