absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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