my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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