I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
