Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize