And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
