i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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