cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
