I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
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