umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
