Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
