guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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