god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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