Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
