On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
and you fell through a lawn chair
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
