I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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