So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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