He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Randomize
