You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
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She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
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This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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