he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
