she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
