Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
