Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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