Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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