my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
he wants to bone in the snuggie
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
