He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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