My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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