only you would photoshop your dick
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
