Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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