ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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