we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Randomize
