There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Randomize
