I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
