What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
