Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
