I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
