Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
