def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
