I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...