just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall