he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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