You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Never joke about your clitoris.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
