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Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Randomize
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