TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
