She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
