She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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