i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
