I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
3 2 1 whiskey
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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